Self Belief is Half the Battle, Self Doubt is the Other
Let’s Heal Together.
“Doubt kills more dreams than Failure ever will.”
~ Suzy Kassem
One might feel of not belonging or the object of no one’s attention. Holding a hope that one might find someone to love them and that someone would finally make them feel worthy but unfortunately it never works. People think achievements, scoring a good grade and being workaholic would make them feel worthy but it lasts only for a moment. As soon as the bar for one’s worth is reached, it rises. The actual battle on the other hand demands only “You, being You.” The factors such as the advertisements that tell us to buy almost anything, our educational system that teach us to run after grades only, any trauma, sexual assault or abuse and the social media might lead one to self-doubt. The good news is the problem has a solution and one can attain self-worth by just following some baby steps.
The recipe of unconditional self-worth involves only two ingredients i.e. self-esteem and self-belief. Self-esteem is derived from our abilities, achievements and a sense that Yes, we can do it and will do it. One can bolster self-esteem by improving one’s performances and skills. In contrast, self belief is not about comparing oneself to others or to have more or less; rather it’s a sense that one deserves to be cared for, to be alive and loved for. In other words it’s an interpretation of oneself — I am good enough. Self- doubt, a sense that am not worth of and don’t deserve to live drags people to depression, anxiety, drug addiction and even suicide. Thus, to win the battle one needs to work on both the halves; attaining self-belief and eliminating self-doubt.
Next, the question is: What makes one feel this way? The current era of digital marketing tells us to buy almost anything in order to be accepted, loved and succeed. The same situation is with the schools which make kids to score marks and grades only. Parents have also implied that they would love us more if we made big achievements. The trauma or any abuse acts as an unhealed wound and gets triggered on slight stimulus throughout the person’s life making them feel like useless to this world. Social media has defined our worthiness with the number of followers and likes we get on our posts. And in the last for many of us our worth is all fastened to the number of medals we get, possessions, and accomplishments. As we fail or lose approval we experience self-doubt.
Majority of us are made to fight the battle of self-doubt from our childhood and it’s a truth that nobody is talking about. Children very much view themselves through their interactions with parents, teachers and elders. The infants are narcissistic, they take everything personally. If their parents are unhappy, it’s probably because of them. If someone has stopped talking to them, it might be because of them. Any tragedy, abuse or trauma experienced at this age stays for an entire life. So, a poor innocent kid begins to grow in the world with the roots of self doubt ready to turn into a giant tree.
Then comes the toxic culture which accolades the workaholic (the work addictive), the one working day and night to just prove it’s worth. The system actually rewards emptiness while it’s only a temporary healing from the wound that’s inside. People really want to be heard when they are dying. The book, “Blessed with the brain tumor” by Bill Pie explains how a disease turns into a blessing just as it makes people want to reconnect themselves.
“What is in us, Must be out.”
~ Janus Clye
The so-called normal which is being healthy and natural is a myth as described in a book:
“The Myth of Normal.”
~ Gabor Mate`
We live in a society where being normal is not about being natural and healthy rather it is being hurtful to us. Normal is not good for us. The culture is unknowingly injecting us with self doubt. Throughout the life of the individual, he encounters self-doubt in every step. In schools, in offices, on their phones and the shadow of low self-worth follows the man everywhere. Thus, self doubt is the other half of the battle.
It is the time to realize that our worth is based on the fact that “We are Human.” Many people fear that if they will get too satisfied with themselves, they won’t get a chance to improve and grow. Others feel like accepting themselves as being arrogant. And some just cannot feel worthy at all and feel it impossible to achieve.
Just imagine what the world would look like if everyone could find the courage to dream if their self-worth wasn’t at stake. And what would they stop doing if they knew they were already worthy enough?
To fight both the halves and to win the battle one needs to follow some baby steps:
The first step is about Forgiving Yourself. As the German Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said:
“People lie their way out of reality who have been hurt by reality.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Stop blaming ourselves for the hurt that happened to us in the past and let the acceptance clear the way forward. The keen reflection to the past mistakes and acknowledging the pain makes one learn from the situation which happened a time ago.
The second step is to practice accepting yourself, the sense that you are, what you are. Throughout the day we get so many messages that we are not OK, our physical appearances, the way we look, talk or walk, our clothes, our jobs and even our overall personalities. Ironically, the first page of which women magazine makes them feel Confident of what they are and what their bodies look like gives the complete article of “How to lose Weight” on the second page. The need of the time is to focus on the things which you like about yourself. Over time, embrace your awkward laughs, quirks and crooked smiles with confidence.
“It would be a much more beautiful world if people did as they pleased, and not what they thought other people expected of them.”
~ Marc Jacobs
The third step is to be there for yourself when life gets a bit cruel. Everyone experiences the times of challenges in their lives. The problem is that people abandon themselves and get engaged in harsh criticisms. This leaves a feeling of being worse. Most of the time we need someone to say, “I feel you, I see you, how badly you have got hurt. I’m here for you.” The good news is we can do this to ourselves.
The fourth and the final step is to get connected to the people who support you. Self-doubt and a low self-worth makes one feel lonely and isolated. When one thinks that something is wrong with oneself, one separates oneself from the relationship and this separation only exaggerates the situation.
“Knowing that we are not alone in our struggles and someone in this world has also passed through the same reminds us that challenges never make us unworthy. Never!”
Though the journey is not smooth but a bumpy road, it is not impossible. Opening up to someone and connecting to people may make one feel vulnerable but with a little courage everything is done. Embracing yourself and self-talk can unstitch some past memories making one skip the present for a while but deeper and intense talks with oneself (journaling) can help and aid in attaining self-worth and eliminating self-doubt forever.
Embrace Yourself
Embrace your Worth
